I’m wandering and yes, I’m also lost


April 1, 2013 by toheaveninahooptie

Y’all know how I love Colorado to the moon and back times infinity with my entire, undivided heart? How I had plans to attend CU or CSU, even touring CU? How I even considered joining the Navy in order to go?

Touring CU

Touring CU

Do y’all also know the ridiculous cost of college tuition, especially out-of-state tuition?

I’m now reworking my entire collegiate life, a month before the enrollment date for most schools, because I’ve recently faced the heartbreaking truth: it’s simply too expensive for me to go to school out-of-state, especially at an excellent, academically rigorous school like CU.

I applied to Naval ROTC (still haven’t heard back. IMO, the Navy is being very unprofessional about this hit or miss application process), and really did try to excite myself for the idea of life in the Navy. The adventure of living in many different places and meeting tons of people appealed to me, as well as the healthcare/living/salary benefits, but in my heart I knew it wasn’t my thing. It’s intrinsically not “Hannah” to be under the direction of someone “bigger” than me just because of their title. I want to adventure, see new places, meet new people, test new cultures, but I want to do it for my own benefit, to become a more well-rounded person, not because I’m ordered to for “the needs of the Navy.” Although I admire those that can live under such an honorable authority, I know it would make me resentful for 8 years. (Plus, if we’re talking about this just to pay for my tuition, and it’s not something I’m passionate about, then I’d be miserable anyway.) So, that isn’t a viable way to pay.

My parents are willing to pay some, but only about 1/5 of the ridiculous $50,000 it would cost to attend CU (including housing and meals). Honestly, why the fuck does it cost 50 grand for a stupid-small room, 21 meals a week, and 15 hours worth of classes? What does all that money actually pay for? It’s frustrating. Furthermore, FAFSA is made for spoiled brats because my parents are not even close to dolling out the $36,000 it suggested for them each year. No family could pay that much for one child’s education each year. Why does federal aid think that is reasonable?

So, after getting an email from CSU saying “congrats on your federal aid!” and logging into my account with high hopes just to realize that my “aid” was being approved for a $5,000 loan, my heart quickly found my stomach and my eyes quickly became rivers. I literally went to the guidance office and sobbed in front of the college councilor for a solid 15 minutes because my dream, what I had fully invested my heart into, the life I had foreseen to be everything I’ve always lived for, was coming to a screeching halt all because of money. 

What now?

I’m hell bent against staying in Baton Rouge. I have loved living here for 18 years and believe me, I have a really good idea of how LSU parties and I love it, but I’m way more curious than staying in the same city for so darn long. I want to experience things, preferably out of state, although I do love my crazy lil’ Louisiana. I’m strongly considering the University of Louisiana Lafayette (ULL or UL). Theirs is one of the best nursing programs in the state, they have a program for nursing students to study abroad in France for 6 weeks, and they uhh… know how to have a good time.

Party at Acacia, on LSU's campusPS- I told everyone I went to CU and felt like hot shit for it (until it backfired and I had to make up an address and life)

Party at Acacia, on LSU’s campus
PS- I told everyone I went to CU and felt like hot shit for it (until it backfired and I had to make up an address and life)

(By that I mean that I’ve gone to one of Louisiana’s most academically challenging high schools and most girls that graduate say their first year of college is a walk in the park. I’d really appreciate if that walk in the park could be at a party fun school.)

I’m not disappointed to go to UL because I know I’ll love it there. I’ll have friends, I’ll be an hour away from Baton Rouge (close enough to drive home, far enough to do whatever I want), and it will provide me with an excellent, well respected degree. I’m not sad, but I miss Colorado. Alot.

Being my stubborn, selfish self, I know that I’ll still end up in Colorado. I’ve looked into seasonal Summer jobs (rafting guide, trail guide, touristy things in the most beautiful place in America) and also Summer courses at CU seem like a possibility at the moment. I’m sort of excited to figure out someway to live out my Colorado dream now that school there isn’t really a choice. It’s kind of a little challenge to find ways to get there, you know? Whatever it is, it keeps my chin up and my hope alive. 🙂

Ha, my “about me” page isn’t really true now but I don’t want to update it yet because it’s subject to change very soon. My life is so volatile right now.


One thought on “I’m wandering and yes, I’m also lost

  1. […] paste and gas when I go to college (and my party fund will need to be beefed up to keep up with ULL). Enter: Gainful […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Time Machine Blog Edition

April 2013
« Mar   Jun »

Hannah who?



Hey, I'm Hannah! I'm 18 and a senior at an all girl's high school in Baton Rouge. I plan on joining the Navy and fulfilling my dreams to live in different places- hopefully leading me to the University of Colorado in Boulder to become a nurse. I love working out, running, and having a generally healthy lifestyle with the added dash of "wait I'm still a teenager so this is a good idea." I'm a vegetarian and eat a mostly plant based hippy foods. My life is as hectic and hormone rich as any other teenage girl, although I'd like to say that I add a couple miles and some extra spunk to the mix while skimping on the drama. Welcome to the show, and thank you for reading my blog!

View Full Profile →

%d bloggers like this: